Three more pregnancies. Three more babies for a total of seven. One resulting in a funeral. Two that lived.
A miscarriage that required a D&C.
Three different jobs. One that moved us across the country.
Two moves which entailed selling a house, renting a house, buying a house, and renovating said house.
Extended family illness.
Extended family turbulence.
We've experienced 3 hurricanes since moving to NC: Mathew, Florence, Michael. None of them really impacted our family much, but the aftermath and crisis cleanup has been a new experience for us.
Kids starting high school/driving. This has been a bigger deal than I expected!
And on top of it all - homeschool.
It occurred to me some months ago that in the midst of all the change, grief, and recovery I'd lost something. Something about me. I've gained something too, to be sure. More than I could begin to describe in a mere blog post. But the piece I lost has something to do with every day joy. For years now it's just been about survival. Getting through it. Moving on. Solving problems. Adapting.
I feel like now I've finally hit a bit of smooth sailing. and it's time to recover the bit of myself that just enjoys life. Time to recover hobbies, interests, pass times; things that add to my daily joy.
I actually had to sit down and think about this cause I had really forgotten what it is that I like to do when I'm not just adapting or surviving. It came back to me slowly. I know it sounds dumb. Really strange, in fact. How can a person forget what they like to do? How can a person forget what makes them happy? I don't know. But I did!
Looking back over time I was able to identify the things I love to do and things that bring me joy. Let me first point out the obvious: My family is what brings me the most joy. But my family is also what creates the most work and stress for me! It's a strange paradox. But sometimes I need to look outside my work as mother and wife to fill my own cup and replenish my soul. Also, soul replenishing is best done in a spiritual way. I know this from experience. Nothing I do on my own will be enough. I believe that if we first seek the kingdom of God, all thing will be added unto us. Including joy. (Mathew 6:33)
So, here are some things that bring me joy and that I want to put back into my life. I'll admit right off that they all seem to be interrelated.
Nature. Being outside. Whether just sitting, reading, walking, hiking, swimming, raking leaves, running...being outside. This is hard for most of the year in NC because I hate the heat and humidity. I really only feel comfortable outside here during a few months of the year, which makes this a hard one for me and is one reason I miss the west coast as badly as I do. But I need to work this back into my life.
Gardening. Other than raising children, I can't think of anything so satisfying and gratifying as eating food you grew yourself. I miss this so much. I miss our WA garden. I am resolved to figure out gardening in NC. My last summer's attempt was pathetic.
Reading and Learning. I've been wanting to go back to school for a long time and get my masters. Now that my husband FINALLY finished his masters, it feels like more of a possibility. But until we have the money, time and guidance to know what to study (?) I will keep learning each day on my own. I've always loved reading in the bath tub at the end of the day with a mug of herbal tea at my side. I need to make time for that again.
Self Reliance. For some reason, I really love knowing that I can do things on my own without relying on government or modern conveniences. Maybe I'm a little bit granola. Granola lite. I love to make my own laundry soap, can my own beans, dry my own laundry, mend my own clothes, gather my own eggs, etc. I love to learn about alternative healing methods that let me take control of my own health. I like being captain of my ship, I guess you could say. This falls into the category of learning too because you have to learn a lot to be able to do things on your own. This may be one reason why I love to homeschool as well.
Music. In years gone by I played the piano. Before our Hazel died I was learning violin with my daughter. I've sung in choirs. I've performed in musicals. Attending live music of most any kind almost always makes me cry for sheer joy. I used to have a music collection. I need more music in my life again.
So that's a starter list. A pretty good one for now.
Ok, to the point. In the spirit of rediscovering joyful things, I've been scouring youtube for more information on things I love. I came across a really great channel called Roots and Refuge.
This video that Jess shared inspired me to grow my own little winter greens on my deck. So I went to amazon (because nobody is carrying seeds right now) and bought some salad seeds
And here's what I've now got growing on my deck:
Did it bring me joy? Yeah. It did. Just taking the time to do something I like was enough to bring me a measure of joy. I'll feel even more joyful if these things actually sprout and I get to eat some romaine lettuce and kale in January from my own deck!
hey if this works out I'm going to do lots of these things. But for now it's just baby steps toward daily joy. Finding small things I can do each day that will help me feel whole so that I can then give my whole self to my family and do the work I feel that God has given me.
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