Mother's Day 2016.
Mother's Day just isn't quite the same since Hazel died. It's always bitter sweet. I'm so grateful to have these five here with me. Each of them is a dream come true. As they grow I love watching their personalities and talents begin to manifest. They are each so unique. I love that. I feel honored that I have been entrusted with these sweet souls. My family made this day so beautiful and lovely for me.
But I missed Hazel today. We often notice Hazel's absence. I can't really explain it. But when we are all together we still feel like someone is missing. It's our Hazel. We miss her. I wish I could tell you how much I long for a picture of all six of the kids together. For now, this is as close as we can get to having all six of them in one picture.
Losing Hazel was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. But I finally realized a truth that has made it easier to bear and it is this: Even if I had known that she would not stay with us long, I still would have offered to be her mother. I still would have done it. Because I know that motherhood doesn't end here. I will get to Mother her later, in a better way and in a better place. And the wait will have been worth it. Every excruciating moment of this journey will be so worth it. So until then I'm working on being patient.